What solo sex can teach us about connection — and why it’s not just a consolation prize
Wait a minute.
Isn’t Date Night Fun Games about couples? And sometimes groups? And the many wild, wonderful ways people come together?
Yes. Unequivocally yes.
But sometimes — just sometimes — the person you’re connecting with is… yourself.
And we think that deserves a round of applause. Or at the very least, a thoughtful conversation.
Let’s get one thing straight up front: solo sex isn’t a sign that something’s gone wrong. It’s not a stand-in for “real” intimacy, or a sad little placeholder while you wait for Prince or Princess Charming to knock on your door (although if they did, that would certainly save time on dating apps).
No — it’s something else entirely. Something vital. Something beautiful. Something, dare we say, empowering.
And if that makes you squirm a little, well… blame the Victorians.
The Ghost of Prudery Past
In a recent post, we unpacked how deeply Victorian morality has wormed its way into our modern psyche. How generations of hushed voices, lowered eyes, and pearl-clutching propriety taught us that pleasure was shameful. That sex was something you only did for reproduction (and even then, only if you must). And that anything done alone was doubly sinful.
Spoiler alert: they were wrong.
But their legacy lingers. It’s in the way we don’t talk about masturbation. It’s in the awkward giggle, the sideways glance, the unspoken assumption that solo pleasure is embarrassing or pathetic. Especially for women. Especially for men. Especially for… well, just about everyone, really.
But here’s the truth: Your body belongs to you. Exploring it, enjoying it, connecting with it — that’s not shameful. That’s intimacy. It’s the first step toward understanding what you like, what feels good, what doesn’t. It’s learning your own language of desire — so that when you do share it with someone else, the conversation is a lot more interesting.
And let’s face it — sometimes the best way to get what you want is to give it to yourself.
Lonely Hearts in the Digital Age
Of course, not everyone is flying solo by choice.
We’ve heard from men — and women — who feel stuck. Isolated. Invisible. Who feel like they’ve been left behind in a world of curated perfection and superficial swipes. Who are told, again and again, that sex is everywhere… and yet somehow, nowhere.
Some call it being “involuntarily celibate.” Others just call it being human.
And here’s the uncomfortable reality: while some people are shouting about how much sex they’re having (see our Sexpectation Distortion post for more on that little performance), others are quietly wondering if anyone will ever want them at all.
But here’s the good news — you are not alone in feeling alone.
For every man scrolling dating apps and feeling ignored, there is a woman doing the same. For every person feeling too old, too awkward, too “unattractive,” too much or not enough, there is someone else thinking exactly the same thing.
The real problem isn’t that nobody’s out there. It’s that we’ve been taught to look in all the wrong places — and with all the wrong expectations.
The Swipe Fatigue Epidemic
Modern dating has made connection easier than ever. In theory.
In practice, it’s complicated. Dating apps have their place, but let’s not pretend they haven’t created a distorted, image-obsessed marketplace. Where personality is reduced to a bio. Where attraction is judged in milliseconds. Where genuine connection is often buried under algorithms and dopamine loops.
We swipe. We match. We ghost. We repeat. And slowly, our belief in real-life chemistry begins to erode.
So here’s a radical idea: step away from the app.
Organic Isn’t Just for Groceries
Want to meet someone? Really meet them? Try living your life in ways that make room for connection. Here are a few ideas — no algorithms required:
- Join something. A book club. A hiking group. A painting class. A trivia night. Not for the purpose of dating — but for the purpose of being around people. Shared interests are the best icebreakers.
- Volunteer. You’ll meet people who care about the same things you do. Kindness and empathy are magnetic.
- Talk to strangers. (Safely, respectfully.) The person next to you in line, at the dog park, on the train. Flirtation doesn’t have to be overt. A smile can be a seed.
- Be visible. Say yes to invites. Go to parties, events, local gatherings — even if you don’t know anyone there. The more you show up, the more likely it is that someone will notice you.
- Work on your self as much as your “profile.” That means not just the gym, but your curiosity, your sense of humour, your capacity for listening. Attraction isn’t just physical. In fact, the most enduring attraction is anything but.
Because here’s the secret that dating apps can’t teach you: chemistry isn’t always instant. Sometimes, it simmers. Sometimes, it surprises you. Sometimes, it needs a little time to breathe.
And sometimes, the most unexpected connection starts with a shared laugh over something silly — not a perfectly filtered photo.
In the Meantime…
Whether you’re single, coupled, throupled, or still figuring things out — solo sex is not a consolation prize. It’s not the absence of intimacy. It’s a practice of self-love, self-knowledge, and self-respect.
In fact, it’s good for you.
Seriously. There’s a growing body of medical research showing that masturbation has genuine health benefits — not just emotionally, but physically. It can relieve stress, improve sleep, ease menstrual cramps, boost your mood, and even strengthen your immune system. Regular orgasms (solo or shared) have been linked to lower blood pressure, better cardiovascular health, and even reduced risk of prostate cancer. Not bad for something you don’t even have to leave the house for.
And guess what? People who are comfortable with themselves are incredibly attractive.
So let’s stop pretending solo sex is something we graduate from. It’s not “training wheels” for the real thing. It is a real thing. One that can deepen our understanding of ourselves and make us better, more confident lovers when the time comes.
Whether you’re alone by choice or by circumstance, you are worthy of pleasure. You are worthy of connection. You are not broken. You are not behind.
And as the inimitable Dr Frank-N-Furter said:
“Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.”
Especially if that means beginning with yourself.
Looking to spark deeper connection or explore intimacy in a playful way? Many couples find inspiration in curated relationship tools — from conversation starters to guided games. Reputable sources like The Gottman Institute, LovePanky, or RomanticSparx offer thoughtful insights and ideas. And if you're up for a bit of fun, Date Night Fun provides light-hearted games designed to bring couples closer – with a cheeky twist.